Bland on the Run

from November 2005
Tiff and I drove up Hwy 99 in our annual migration in search of Thanksgiving turkey last November. The CD player is broken, but we thought we could get by on local radio. The Central Valley is pretty populated these days, so we figured there wouldn’t be a problem finding something halfway decent.

Well, there’s three kinds of radio station out there in the bleak expanse that is the San Joaquin Valley – Christian talk, Country, and Classic Rock. We settled on Classic Rock, but after a few hours of this monotony it was becoming unbearable.

Tom Petty said it best… “Man, it’s a drag when you’re living in the past.” If I have to hear Smoke on the Water one more time…

I’ve never heard so much Foreigner, Bad Company, Kansas and Journey, everything you’d expect. And that’s the point, there’s absolutely no surprises. These stations don’t play “classic rock”, they play rock standards. In the mind-numbing blandness that these stations spew, even the mightiest of rock bands are reduced to three-hit wonders. I’m pretty sure that Steve Miller Band wrote more than two songs (Jungle Love and Take the Money and Run), The prog band Yes had more songs in there 25 plus year career than I’ve Seen All Good People and Roundabout. If a song by the Eagles comes on, you can bet money that it will be either Hotel California or Desperado (maybe Peaceful Easy Feeling if the DJ is feeling rebellious). And it’s not that these aren’t good songs, it’s just insanely unimaginative when that’s all they play. I really suspect that these stations sold all their albums in the 90’s and replaced them with greatest hits compilations.

I grew up listening to rock music before it had been labeled “classic rock”. The American radio scene had yet to be completely subdivided and segregated into ever narrower definitions, with corporate programmers selecting every track we hear. Back then it was a real treat to hear Freebird, because it was a rarity. I even heard a live version one night on a drive home from San Francisco that went on for….ever! Back then Led Zeppelin was truly great. Elusive, majestic, mighty. Stairway to Heaven wasn’t crammed down our throats every…single… day. These songs became gems to savor, and to catch them on the airwaves added to their appeal. Every time you tuned in, you never quite knew what you might hear. Sure there were the favorites, and certain songs would get a lot of play, but the Djs cared about the music, they reached deep into albums to pull out tracks you’d never heard of, new favorites that added depth to bands and made you want to own albums – rather than just collect singles.

There used to be a station in LA who’s tag line was, “you know every song we play.” Wahoo. To that I would add, “…and you’re sick of all of them.” I say we call these stations for what they are - rock standards. They reduce the memories of youth to banality. Instead of experiencing rock history as something vital, a living breathing music (no matter what state the former band members might be in) we’re presented with a museum of old hits. This is how music dies.

They say recreating your childhood can be expensive. So, I either buy all the albums I love and create my own play-list on my ipod, or I get satellite radio, cause they sure don’t play anything good on commercial radio. Either way, I’m paying for what I used to get for free. But maybe shelling out so I don’t have to hear Dust in the Wind is ok, even if it feels like the sonic equivalent of a protection racket.